Motto: “Love is happy when is able to give something. The ego is happy when is able to take.” [Osho]
Gautama Buddha said that there is a deep correlation between desiring something and being in pain. And if we meditate profoundly upon this matter, he is somewhat right. The peace of mind goes straight out the window once you start to feel love for someone, or better said, once you fall in love. The inner tranquility dissipates once you start deeply craving for something. It is so because only when you begin to want something or someone, you actually get to perceive the inner void caused by that lack, or absence.
So, what is the solution? Not desiring anything? But that is a paradox – impossibility. In this world, as long as you live, you will have feelings and desires. How about practicing non-attachment? This, also, seems like a misunderstood concept, if not like an entirely false one. It is absurd to say that you love something, and that you are not connected to it. What Buddha really meant is to desire with love. That is non-attachment: practicing every wish with love.
Let us think about falling in love. It is an amazing feeling, but why does it have to hurt – every-single-time? Love does not hurt – loving with conditions, expectations, oppression, and control brings pain into this complicated equation. If you renounce fear (all these conditions are fear-based!), then you can be pure-love, or you can simply love the other for the sake of the other. This sort of love does not hurt. Why not? Because you take responsibility for your own life; you give love to yourself, first; so, you do not offer love from a point of neediness, but from a place of power and beauty. This represents the main idea of Osho, in the following statement: “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up, because if you pick it up, it dies, and it ceases to be what you love. So, if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.”
Or, how another great person put it: “You say that you love lobster. But what does that mean? It means you want to eat the lobster. So, if your love creates destruction, what sort of love is that? You don’t love the lobster. You love yourself.’ Good point. We have to reassess, and understand that love with expectations, or love with pain – is lobster-love. True-love means simply giving for the sake of giving. It does not require something in return.
But there is a dangerous idea in this statement, also! If you love someone unconditionally, and you take care of them unconditionally, and you do not do the same with your own being – that is not love, but dysfunction. You need to have the same attitude towards all, not only towards a ‘select-few’. You give love, because you are love, and that should reflect in every area of your life. You are love in relation to yourself, also, not only in relation to others. Living without pain is living with love. And that love must be all-encompassing, reaching everything and everyone, just like the sun.
You can apply the true-love only if you are inwardly balanced. If you are not in equilibrium, you will not be able to maintain this, as you are not that high energy. Love is energy, before anything else. Love is intent, before action. Love is perspective. If you have a wrong perspective about yourself, you will have a distorted view of everything. So, the first step to practicing real-love is fixing the relationship you have with yourself: loving yourself so much that you no longer feel the need to impose conditions on others. You no longer need to control and suffocate the object-of-your-love.
Can we live and desire without pain? Yes. Only by living with love. And the first human being you need to love is yourself! Then, you can take that and expand it, for the entire humanity. That is why sacrificing, in a soul-connection, does not function. You want to create and manifest a beautiful, balanced interaction – out of fear and self-hatred!
-Can you desire – without pain?